Remember the MRI I had back in October? I got the results yesterday, sooner than expected.
Normally, Dr. Doomandgloom tells me in his office. Yesterday afternoon I had a Zoom appointment with my favourite doctor, at the Stan Cassidy Centre for Rehabilitation, one of my favourite places. She’s a physiatrist, a doctor of physical medicine. She’s my medical spark plug. Whenever I see her she always finds a way to make things happen for me. She read the report online.
I’m never anxious to get MRI results simply because they show where damage has occurred. I am a 23-year veteran of MS. Every minute of every day, my body tells me what isn’t working and what’s getting worse. I don’t need a fancy piece of machinery to tell me. There’s no sense in dwelling on it.
At the beginning of the scan one of the technicians told me the last one was in 2011. I don’t think I have any new symptoms, just the same old ones slowly getting worse. However, after nine years there will undoubtedly be a lot more of those telltale lesions. I brace myself for bad news while paradoxically thinking positive, and remind myself that no matter what is thrown at me, I will find a way to scrape my shoes and move on. I’ve learned to choose my thoughts. Relax, Joy. There’s no sense in getting stressed out. That will only make you feel worse.
I watch Colleen’s face as she reads the report. She smiles throughout. Three tiny, inconclusive dots in my brain. Nothing significant. Something new: the beginnings of arthritis in my neck. Oh.
Overall the news is good, but I’m only guardedly happy. I never want to jinx myself by celebrating or getting excited about it. That would only set me up to have MS pull the rug out from under me. Again.
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