I haven’t actually added up how many weeks since I’ve been in lockdown mode because of COVID 19 – maybe 10 or 11 weeks now? – But I never felt isolated until right now, when things are finally starting to loosen up – for everyone else, that is.
I had a Zoom meeting this afternoon. I think I totally misunderstood the intention of the virtual get together. I had thought it was kind of a drop in reception sort of thing. It went from 3 to 5 PM my time. The whole thing spanned five time zones. Anyways, when I dropped in around 430 I realized I was completely wrong. I should’ve been present right from the start. Also, everybody else was really dressed up for the occasion. Justifiably so because the event was to mark a wedding that was supposed to have taken place today, but had to be rescheduled for a year from now. Anyways, I dropped in at 430, some people were wearing suits and ties, and I was wearing my Cow’s T-shirt. What a loser! To make matters worse, I didn’t realize my sound was off at the beginning so they didn’t even know I was there for a while. I arrived at the end of an informal presentation of embarrassing photos of the bride and groom to be.
After it all ended I felt very alone. Even though I’ve done a few Zoom calls now, I’m basically unfamiliar with the technology and have to figure it out on my own. I use the camera that’s on my computer and it just shows a really bad image of my fat face. I don’t have an interesting background behind me, like so many of the other experienced users. No one to help me set it up. Feeling very alone, even though I’m surrounded by at least 80 people. And it’s no one’s fault. It’s just “one of those things.” My whole life is just one of those things. If it’s anyone’s fault I guess it’s mine because I could’ve made an effort to dress up a little, to start the call at 3 PM like I was supposed to. I did a half-assed, Joy-with-MS version that now feels very inadequate.
I hate whinging (look it up) and whining like this, but I promised myself when I started this blog that I would write about the bad stuff as well as the good and the funny. So here it all is.